We're not gonna protest!

These are troubled times we live in. From Joe Wilson to Kanye West and to those delightful tea-baggers, our nation has been enthralled lately with the power of loud mouth morons to get their voices heard. Now in a simpler time, say, 2008, the idea that anyone would want to watch Glenn Beck or that people would spend all summer screaming at their congress person about socialist conspiracies seemed unimaginable; but I can tell you that there is one city in this country where standing on the street corner and declaring your mental problems is considered a sacred act of patriotism.

You see, every American has the right to petition their government for a readdressing of grievances (that is from the bill of rights, a historical footnote between 2001-2008 but a damn riveting read), and many of them, especially those who like a good graphic photo of a dismembered fetus, love to come to the District of Columbia and make their voices heard. This may sound irritating/nauseating, and it definitely is. However, these crazy protests also make D.C pretty darn cool to be in!

Two weeks ago I attended one such gathering of the clinically ignorant called the “9/12 Taxpayers March On Washington”. Apparently, white people of a certain age and waist line don’t like paying taxes to a President who doesn’t look like them, and they came to the capitol to make their voices heard! These people showed up with wonderfully camp signs saying things like “Bury ObamaCare with Ted Kennedy” and “There is a Muslim-Communist conspiracy in the White House” (hold on to those placards grandma and grandpa! They are gonna make hilariously retro souvenirs for your grandchildren some day), and while these protesters were the most numerous, they couldn't top their political allies and DC's most popular protest group: Christian zealots. They showed up to this event driving a van that had pictures of 9/11, an American flag, Terri Schaivo, and, yup, you guessed it, a dismembered fetus! What fun for the children.

Now you liberal pinkos out there may find these kind of protests nauseating, but to be fair, DC is also over run with protests from the other side of the political divide, with such popular themes as “A bunch of Jews get together to yell about Iran”, “Gays run the wedding design business, why not let them marry?” and of course “Old hippies put on their finest floppy hats, sandals and cargo pants and protest about something on a Wednesday afternoon when everyone who isn’t a community college professor or a wealthy yoga instructor is at work”. The beautiful reality is that everyone, no matter their political views, can walk down the streets of Washington and find at least one group of fucktards who publically express the extreme political views we all have but are bound by polite society and reason not to openly discuss.

So, Are these protests smart? Almost never. Do they accomplish something? Unless you sell advertising time on Fox News, no. But America’s founding principle, the idea that if anything in your life is wrong you have the right, nay, the duty, to make offensive signs and stand on street corners yelling stuff until you end up on the evening News, is clearly alive and well in this city, and that I think is pretty cool.